Last week when i was at a house party, i drank way to much
this horny chick dried gettingin my pants.
 
 as a good Christian man, i refused twice. but the thirdtime,
 
i rushed into the bathroom with her, stripped her of all her belongings, and had intercourse with her while sitting on the toiletseat.
 
after a few strokes, […]

i was in the middle of math class one day when this cute guy i liked asked me for a pen.

I could have died since he finally knew i existed…anyway i started to search through my bag frantically checking every single compartment and then it happened…

i felt it in my fingertips. “yes” i thought. i […]

I work as as the person who refills vending machines for a living.
Anyway, I always fill the vending machines in a way so that it eather eats the change or the product get stuck on the metal screw despencer..

Then i get out of uniform and just sit down with a newspaper and LMAO at the […]

I fooled around with a hot chick last night.It came as far as dry-humping like maniacs, but no actual sex.

In any case, now I got small friction wounds all over the upper part of my penis. And I swear, I’m hornier than a fucking rabbits after foreplay.

Now it’s the evening after, and I still can’t […]

i was working at a bible camp one summer

and one night we were bored so we decided to light our farts on fire, this girl who i was really attracted knew i farted like crazy and had some massive ones, so i felt one coming on, and when i let it loose it was a […]

I was really mean to my dogs once.

I cut one of my dogs hair and piled it up on the coffee table.

Then I looked at it and got all excited, I started petting the pile of hair, and stroking it, and talking puppy talk to the pile of hair.
My dogs thought it was another puppy […]

I work in a Chinese restaurant where we make our own fortune cookies.

We have microphones underneath the restaurant’s tables, thus we are able to listen in on the customers’ conversations.

We wait until we hear something of particular importance in the customer’s life, then make a fortune cookies whose fortunes are specific for that customer and […]

Sometims when I feel an unusually large bowel movement coming soon, I’ll weigh myself before

and after to determine the magnitude of the feces I’m shedding.

Every time someone tells me about their personal life, the song “Don’t Care” by Obituary comes on in my head. I can’t drown it out and it is very loud.

It may be how I feel but makes it really difficult to listen to people

One day me and my girlfriend and I went to my house after school.

I did not take the time to greet my dog when I came in the door because we were too focused on other activities.

We went down to my room and started having sex on my bed. My bed is very low to […]